I support disease, cancer, and crazy.

Place: Pat's house.
Time: 6:30-7ish pm, December 25, 2009.
Players: Tom, Katie, Eli, Jill

Event: We were watching the Chargers hammer the Titans, me making wise cracks about the Chargers letting Chris Johnson set the single season rushing record by not tackling him, Jill and Katie rolling their eyes, and Eli (Charger honk) getting used to my well-oiled shit talking machine.

We started talking about types of racism and discrimination that is present today.  Someone's grandma referring to "the blacks" at Christmas dinner.  Someone using a blanket statement to describe Muslims or Mormons.  You know, the whole "all Muslims are terrorists and all Mormons practice polygamy..." type of statements.  My take on it is every group has outliers that don't represent the values of the majority of population of the group.  Every group has come crazy ones.  And I don't mean the cute crazy...like me wearing every thing I own that has a Browns logo and dressing the dog up in hopes of that helping the team win. 

I mean real irrational craziness.

Which led to my new way of explaining this:  Crazy doesn't discriminate.  It's true.  Crazy doesn't racially profile people, it will take anybody.  White, black, brown, you name the color, nationality, religion, age, wealth and there is a few crazys in each group. 

A local example, on the campus of Boise State University about two weeks ago, fliers were found that were racist and basically horrible.  Does that paint an accurate picture of what Boise State and its students stand for?  I don't believe so, but there are some crazy ones.

Anyway, cancer and disease don't discriminate, either...they will be more than happy to kill anyone...okay breast and testicular cancer are a little more choosy, but cancer in general is not...so in this way...

We should all try to be a little more like cancer, disease, and crazy. 

I'm out.

New Year's Resolusmas List

After being asked a million times (twice) what I wanted for Christmas and seeing how many bloggers were cranking out New Year's resolutions, I decided to make a New Year's Resolusmas List.

1. Get my shit together in 2010.  This includes, but is not limited to:
1. Creating a family budget.  And I mean a good one.  We are talking cash forecasting for the year and savings goals.  I am a nerdo accountant, it was only a matter of time before I started depreciating my furniture.
2. Invest in and track a stock for the hell of it.  Something cheap...we'll see what happens.  This is the way Warren Buffet started, you know.
3. Be better at family, specifically the family members that don't receive a slap on the ass from me every morning.
4. No B's in the final semester of my MBA.  All A's, period...A-'s are accepted here, also.
   
2. A Fiesta Bowl victory for my Boise State Broncos.  I realize that we are touchdown underdogs, and TCU probably belongs in the National Championship, but I'm orange and blue..
3. Drink less booze, but more Scrumpy Jack.  Scrumpy Jack is a delightful cider that Katie and I enjoyed in England last January.  I know, less booze, then more booze...here is an illustration.  This year I drank 567 alcoholic beverages, and 10 Scrumpy Jacks.  2010's numbers will be 565 alcoholic beverages, and 39 Scrumpy Jacks.
4. I would like to keep having a job, cuz times is rough.
5. I would like for local jewelry stores to stop advertising "Romantic and Economic stimulus plans".  Number one, jewelry is not romantic, it is showing someone your feelings in terms of dollars.  Dollars are not romantic.  Number two, for every person that can actually afford to buy his or her significant other jewelry, there are three that buy it on credit.  If you can't pay for it with cash, you can't afford it.  I hate you, jewelry store commercials.
6. I want to run the Race to Robie Creek again this year.  Toughest half marathon in the NW.  Kicked my ass in 2008, is gonna kick my ass in 2010.
7. I want Katie and I to take our lazy asses to the A Mind's Eye, and get our wedding ring tattoos already.  Seriously...
   
8. Finally, I want world peace.  It sounds cheesy, but I am pretty tired of death counts, stories of cops getting iced in coffee shops, and uncovering mass graves in people's backyards.  Find a hobby...puzzles are nice...and peaceful.

That is all.  I'm out like a boner in sweatpants.

PS.  A full length Drake album would be outstanding, also.

Now I'm done.

Dear Winter,

I'm sorry this had to happen this way, but I can't live like this anymore.  I am so filled with emotion right now.  We have been together for so long, but this is just not how I envisioned our life together.  Relationships are a two-way street: give and take.
You have given me so many good times: bombing down hills on a piece of thin plastic, building snowmen, Saturday mornings after a fresh snow, you making the garage cold enough to keep beer cold.  I will cherish those times forever.

This is so hard because you take, you take my will - When you are around me, my life is filled with darkness.  I go to work, its dark.  I get home from work, its dark.  I spend each day putting layer after layer on to shield myself from you.  I can feel you right now grabbing my uncovered hands, slowly sucking out the warmth as I write this.  Your unrelenting cold chills me to the core, and I can't live like this.

I'm leaving you.  I don't know where I'll go - but it will be someplace nice and warm, where I will be accepted as the flip-flop wearer that I am.  Yes.  Someplace warm...maybe Glendale.

I hope you have a wonderful life and that you find someone that makes you happy.

Tom

TOTES!!!

Attention all:

I was recently informed that "totes" was heard on an episode of The Hills. Let me make this perfectly clear, my gift to the world, the word "totes" was created long before The Hills used it. Here is the blog I wrote about the lifecycle of TOTES on March 12, 2008 and a link to it as proof:
Also, to the foot soldiers, thank you for all of your efforts...I think we did this without Fergie...but not without all of you!

I now present the theory, evolution, and life cycle forecast of.....TOTES!

The Theory

Simply stated, the definition of totes is an abbreviated form of totally. Functionally, it decreases the user’s syllable usage from three to one whenever the word replaces totally. This has several advantages. The first is efficiency based. While using one syllable instead of three, the user will benefit from noticably higher energy. This does assume that the user’s diet and excersize routine does not vary during the conversion. The second is similar, and equally as important. While using this shortened word, the user will appear to be exerting less energy, and therefore will appear very casual. In other words, it can be used as slang to appear hip, trendy, or any such descriptions. The final benefit is applicable more to early adopters of totes. Right now, totes is in the developmental stages. It has flaws, but the people that take a chance on it will not be disappointed. Now, I will discuss the evolution of totes.

Evolution

In it’s early stages, totes was an idea that was used as an inside joke of sorts. From this point forward, I will refer to the group of people involved in the evolution of totes as "foot soldiers". The foot soldiers quickly realized how easy, convinient, and fun it was to say totes. The earliest examples of it being used involved a question, with the response being totes.
Example:

Jill: Tom, are you coming to our Super Bowl party?
Tom: Totes.

Not long after, we realized it could be used for anything that was "totally badass" or "totally bitchin".
Example:

Tom: Did you see that catch that Braylon just made?
Pat: Yeah, that catch was totes!

As you can see, this latest development opens totes to a multitude of interpretations and uses. The versatility of totes has amazed even the most loyal of the foot soldiers. It has literally invaded our vocabularies to the point of blatant totes usage at our places of employment. This was the step that took totes past the "inside joke" level. Now that the heritage of totes has been explained, the future of totes is in all of your hands.

The Future

The immediate future of totes depends on the level of aggressiveness of marketing by the foot soldiers. Here in the Boise area, there are totes users from Nampa to Mountain Home. Through foot soldiers located in other states, totes has reached Utah, Montana, and probably North Dakota in the very near future. North Dakota is the key to this entire plan.
Josh Duhamel, star of NBC’s Las Vegas, is from North Dakota. He visits the state for friends’ weddings and other such occasions. As you may or may not know, Josh is dating the well known musical performer, Fergie. As Josh and Fergie’s travels take them to North Dakota, they will become familiar with and advocates of totes. Fergie is known for her unique style of music and lyrical prowess. It is only a matter of time before totes is in one of her songs. At this point, it would not be an exaggeration to say that totes is "main stream" and "kind of a big deal".
As it is now engrained in pop culture, totes will make appearances with Paris Hilton, Hannah Montana, and most importantly Kanye West. Kanye is also known for his unique verbal craftsmanship, and will no doubt use totes in more than one song on his newest single, Master’s Degree (Look at me). Totes is now legendary, but as the saying goes, what goes up must come down.
After peaking with the Louis Vitton Don, totes will begin the sharp decline into pop culture icon-hood. Much like the popular slang phrases of the past, (rad, gnarly, dope, fly, phat, skins) totes will saturate the slang market to the point that the early adopters will start to desert it. (see: Panic! At The Disco, whose new album comes out March 25) This stage will take totes to the masses again, but this time in the form of keychains, pink pajamas that are sparkly, can coozies, monster truck names (Totes Destuction), and neon colored tank tops. All of these items will be available at KMart and local dollar stores.
I realize that as devoted totes users, you all don’t want this to happen. Totes is going to happen, and we all just have to adapt to that reality, and ride the wave. Remember, totes will always be around, just look for the fanny pack on the guy wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey at Winco in March.

Thank you to all of the loyal foot soldiers.

Tom

Roald Dahl's Infinite Wisdom

According to answers.com, a ninja is "A member of a class of 14th-century Japanese mercenary agents who were trained in the martial arts and hired for covert operations such as assassination and sabotage."

Keeping that definition in mind, I recall this story: When I woke up this morning, I could already tell I was in a better mood than I had been in a while. I thought about it on the 30 minute drive in to work. The answer was easy, I am getting close to the end of the semester.

But, I still have a ton of shit to do. Why am I feeling relieved already? Thought about it all day. I went to class and turned in yet another group case analysis.

On the way home, as I shifted lanes (rap reference), I came (sex reference)...to a shocking realization. I know exactly how to explain this feeling. (upcoming 1971 movie reference). I almost can't believe how accurate this is to how I feel...

OK, that meets my criterion; a rap reference, a sex reference, and a 1971 movie reference. I'm out.

Let's look back at one of the most classic movies of all time, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. You know, Charlie and his crusty grandpa, all of the other spoiled bastards cruising through the factory breaking all of the rules and getting Oompa Loompa'd straight out of that joint.

Charlie and Grandpa Joe break a rule by drinking the Fizzy Lifting Drinks, and they start floating upward toward the big fan. They figure out that the way to get down is to start burping.

The practical application is this: I am Charlie. The Fizzy Lifting Drink is another painful semester in the MBA program, and after committing, I continue to rise to an unbelievable land of shitty moods. What can save me?? Burping my way through big milestone type assignments. Every group presentation, every case analysis, every test...I get closer to the ground level.

The ground level, where people actually enjoy my company. The ground level, where my mom calls me instead of Katie, because currently she "doesn't want to bother, because he's too grumpy".

WAR Financial responsibility and that all those people out there that drink Fuzzy Lifting Drinks finally learn how to burp...

Take your white wig off.

The following is based on facts of my own life. The details have been generalized to protect my own shortcomings.

You are cruising in the left most lane down the Interstate at approximately 4-6 mph over the posted speed limit. You come up on one of those Lexus SUVs obeying the speed limit, and audibly bitch about how this is the 'fast lane'. When you finally get to pass this hag, you look over to see a woman on her cell phone.

What are your thoughts?

Mine, are that I really would like to get home, and the Boise version of 'Desperate Housewives' is taking her sweet ass time to get home, and in the meantime, costing me precious seconds at home. But is that fair to the hag in the Lexus? All joking aside, I often have to slow my frustration fueled mind to realize that I have no idea who that woman is talking to and what is happening in her life

True. She could be talking to her BFF about cheating on her husband and scrap booking. But, she could also be on the phone with her family doctor talking about her son that is in surgery right now. It seems that I have learned that I don't know know what its like to sit in another person's driver's seat. It is easy to assume sometimes, but really, I don't know. I know my driver's seat feels like and I know what the view from that seat is. But I have no idea what anyone else's seat feels like.

At this point, you should realize that I am retelling a couple of old life lessons put together. The recipe is two cups of 'Don't judge a book by its cover' and a pinch of something about walking in someone else's shoes. My version...don't think you understand someone's view until your ass is in his/her driver's seat.That is my view of what is behind me, and I can only imagine what people were thinking as I swerved all over the Interstate trying to take a picture through my side mirror. What they don't realize is that if I don't write this blog, my entire family will be stoned to death. See?...see how easy it is assume things without knowing the whole situation?

The point is, people need to take their white wigs off, and stop judging. Also, I bought a pipe and an Idaho Lottery Raffle Ticket at the Big Smoke on Broadway the other day. Also, I have a Snuggie. Also, here is a picture of me at work rocking a Snuggie and working a pipe. Cheers and I appreciate your support. WAR Financial responsibility, pipes, and A HUGE BOISE STATE WIN TOMORROW!

End (beginning) of an era...

My name is Tom, and I just sold my 1988 Audi 90A Quattro for $600. I know this seems like an unimportant event, but please let me explain how this means more to you than you realize.

The sale of this car represents the movement of a generation. I bought the Audi because I was 20, it was red, and it was a fucking Audi. How classy was I? The first thing I did when we got back to Boise was buy a set of 18" rims and tires to make this car even classier...um, what? Honestly, that's where my head was.

A member of the Idaho Army National Guard, and going to school on Uncle Sam's dime, I did what the hell I wanted. Three friends and I lived near the airport in Boise, and regarded school as an inconvenience on the way to 'whatever the hell we wanted'. Let me tell you how that turned out....(deployment)

A BS in accountancy, a semester from an MBA from THE Boise State University, a fat ass mortgage, and a terrific partner in crime has left me with nothing else to ponder but my journey....

I encourage you all to follow along...for our generation and the future generation's sake...but really though, my future involves me riding dirty in 1997 Mazda 626.
Let's do this shit.