I was recently informed that "totes" was heard on an episode of The Hills. Let me make this perfectly clear, my gift to the world, the word "totes" was created long before The Hills used it. Here is the blog I wrote about the lifecycle of TOTES on March 12, 2008 and a link to it as proof:
Also, to the foot soldiers, thank you for all of your efforts...I think we did this without Fergie...but not without all of you!
I now present the theory, evolution, and life cycle forecast of.....TOTES!
The Theory
Simply stated, the definition of totes is an abbreviated form of totally. Functionally, it decreases the user’s syllable usage from three to one whenever the word replaces totally. This has several advantages. The first is efficiency based. While using one syllable instead of three, the user will benefit from noticably higher energy. This does assume that the user’s diet and excersize routine does not vary during the conversion. The second is similar, and equally as important. While using this shortened word, the user will appear to be exerting less energy, and therefore will appear very casual. In other words, it can be used as slang to appear hip, trendy, or any such descriptions. The final benefit is applicable more to early adopters of totes. Right now, totes is in the developmental stages. It has flaws, but the people that take a chance on it will not be disappointed. Now, I will discuss the evolution of totes.
Evolution
In it’s early stages, totes was an idea that was used as an inside joke of sorts. From this point forward, I will refer to the group of people involved in the evolution of totes as "foot soldiers". The foot soldiers quickly realized how easy, convinient, and fun it was to say totes. The earliest examples of it being used involved a question, with the response being totes.
Example:
Jill: Tom, are you coming to our Super Bowl party?
Tom: Totes.
Not long after, we realized it could be used for anything that was "totally badass" or "totally bitchin".
Example:
Tom: Did you see that catch that Braylon just made?
Pat: Yeah, that catch was totes!
As you can see, this latest development opens totes to a multitude of interpretations and uses. The versatility of totes has amazed even the most loyal of the foot soldiers. It has literally invaded our vocabularies to the point of blatant totes usage at our places of employment. This was the step that took totes past the "inside joke" level. Now that the heritage of totes has been explained, the future of totes is in all of your hands.
The Future
The immediate future of totes depends on the level of aggressiveness of marketing by the foot soldiers. Here in the Boise area, there are totes users from Nampa to Mountain Home. Through foot soldiers located in other states, totes has reached Utah, Montana, and probably North Dakota in the very near future. North Dakota is the key to this entire plan.
Josh Duhamel, star of NBC’s Las Vegas, is from North Dakota. He visits the state for friends’ weddings and other such occasions. As you may or may not know, Josh is dating the well known musical performer, Fergie. As Josh and Fergie’s travels take them to North Dakota, they will become familiar with and advocates of totes. Fergie is known for her unique style of music and lyrical prowess. It is only a matter of time before totes is in one of her songs. At this point, it would not be an exaggeration to say that totes is "main stream" and "kind of a big deal".
As it is now engrained in pop culture, totes will make appearances with Paris Hilton, Hannah Montana, and most importantly Kanye West. Kanye is also known for his unique verbal craftsmanship, and will no doubt use totes in more than one song on his newest single, Master’s Degree (Look at me). Totes is now legendary, but as the saying goes, what goes up must come down.
After peaking with the Louis Vitton Don, totes will begin the sharp decline into pop culture icon-hood. Much like the popular slang phrases of the past, (rad, gnarly, dope, fly, phat, skins) totes will saturate the slang market to the point that the early adopters will start to desert it. (see: Panic! At The Disco, whose new album comes out March 25) This stage will take totes to the masses again, but this time in the form of keychains, pink pajamas that are sparkly, can coozies, monster truck names (Totes Destuction), and neon colored tank tops. All of these items will be available at KMart and local dollar stores.
I realize that as devoted totes users, you all don’t want this to happen. Totes is going to happen, and we all just have to adapt to that reality, and ride the wave. Remember, totes will always be around, just look for the fanny pack on the guy wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey at Winco in March.
Thank you to all of the loyal foot soldiers.
Tom
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