You alls is (road) trippin, boo.

Katie and I have traveled a bit since Memorial Day. Summer.  That is what you call that time period between Memorial Day and now.  Moving on from the lesson on seasons...The Ninja's Mazda has crested 193,000 miles.  The vast majority of those miles have been on the one and only Interstate 84 (I-84).  Mostly, my fellow drivers are respectful, and as fueled by common road courtesies as by 89 octane.  That being said, I have a few observations and questions for my other road dwellers.

1. So, orange 2009 Dodge Calibers don't have cruise control?  That is why you have passed me, then slowed down 4 times in the last hour, right?
2. Where are you from that it is okay to do that?  You know - pretending that I wasn't traveling at least 10 mph faster than you when you decided to change lanes to take 13 minutes to pass the big rig that is going...the same...speed...that you are.
3. Don't text and drive.  Even Kansas City Chiefs rookie running back, Dexter McCluster, agrees with me.
4. I see that your family consists of two big stick people, one medium sized stick person, a small stick baby, and two stick dogs.
5. I was going to ride your ass for the next ten miles, until I saw that "Back off - I have kids" sticker.  Well played.  Note:  This sticker was the inspiration for my new sticker: "Back off - I ate some leftovers earlier".
6. Why are you looking at me like that?  I'm not the one with a confederate flag on my back window.
7.  $25 a year.  Maybe $35 a year.  I may or may not alienate one of the 17 faithful, awesome people that at one time have enjoyed something I wrote with this one.  Vanity plates are just about the biggest waste of money I can think of.  I'm not talking about the ones that support a university or breast cancer research - I'm talking about the ones that identify a 1997 Chevy Suburban as "CRAIGZ" or inform everyone that the dude driving his PT Cruiser is "JUSCRZN".  Simply stated, someone paid the state of New York extra money to put this (see pic below) on his/her license plate.

 Tom out.

Nosebleed Section

Since I've come into my own as a beacon of financial responsibility and sound decision making, I've thought that the equation was simple: $ earned - $ spent >0.  And for the mathematically challenged, the words version of that is spend less than you make.  It's pretty simple.  That, plus "If you can't pay cash for it, don't buy it." has lead to Katie and I's moderate financial security.  Now I realize that just like all of the great economic models and theories, I have assumed away the human element.

You know, the element that says, "Well, I can't really afford a new TV, but Best Buy has 0% financing for the first year and I will pay it off before than and the dude next door just got one".  And don't forget the human element that says, "The bank preapproved me for a $600K loan, and even though I can't afford a $3,500 monthly mortgage payment, the bank is smarter than me, and has no incentive to sell me a mortgage that isn't in my best interest, I am going to buy this bastard." (And I'm not sure sure whether it is more the bank's fault or the person's fault, so I will say that both parties were irresponsible, greedy, and disappointing.)  And finally, the human element that says, "I got a bloody nose, it has been bleeding for over an hour, blood is coming out of my tear ducts, I shuld probably go to the emergency room."  I've heard that medical expenses are the #1 cause of bankruptcies, but I had never personally been raped by tha fact until May 24, 2010.

What started out as a simple sprinkler system repair, turned out to be an activity that proves that ninjas DO get bloody noses.  As I wrestled with PVC snakes hidden in a filthy plastic lined hole in my front yard, my nose started to bleed.  A few hours later, I was in the hosptial, watching Game 5 of the Celtics/Magic series, having crazy inflatable tampon deals shoved in my nostril to remain there for two days.  I am all for having reasons to not go to work, but staying home for two days because I have a tampon in my nose is a little ridiculous.  I knew going to the emergency room was going to be expensive, so as I recovered, I dreaded getting that bill in the mail.  Examine Exhibit A...the bill for stopping my bloody nose.

$865?!?  As written on a check, eight hundred sixty five and xx/100 dollars.  The craziest part is when I tell most people about this, they are not even shocked.  "Sounds about right" is the most common response.  Well, I beg to differ good sir, that does not sound about right.  It sounds about absurd.  Like myself, I'm sure you are wondering what could possibly cost that much, so please see Exhibit B, the less than satisfying breakdown of charges.

Emergency room....$529
Professional services...$336...Now, if I am paying $336 for professional services, I better be getting a new transmission or a Z job.  (If you have to ask, you can't afford it).  Thank goodness I have health insurance to pay for this calamity.  As inevitable as it seems that this blog will end up having a political agenda, that isn't really my intent.  True, I do think that the healthcare system seems to have something wrong with it, but I don't really have a solution, and until I do, I will keep my mouth shut on that one. 

This is more about me learning first hand how expensive medical bills can be.  Seriously, if a bloody nose costs a grand (Taking the huge, terrible, inflatable tampon monster out of my nose was an additional $60 and my appointment at the ear, nose, and throat doctor was another who knows how much), how much does a pregnancy cost?  How much does a single car rollover on the freeway cost when the driver has to be Med Evac'ed to the hospital cost?  How does someone pay for that without health insurance?  For me, one of the things that I have always considered simple is knowing how to manage your own money.  Spend less than you make.  Simple.  But it isn't that simple.  So, when I hear about bankruptcies, "Dumbass" is no longer my first thought.  That person may very well be a dumbass, but unless I know that person's story, I will never know if they are bankrupt and losing their house because they had to have a new TV, clothes, and Tahoe, or if they just had a terrible string of health insurance-less nosebleeds.

Tom out.

Consider your welcome worn out.

The house guest is an interesting breed.  They usually visit for a good reason, a reason that makes you happy.  A monumental occasion that you want to share with those close to you.  But lets be honest, you enjoy the presence of your house guest at the expense, to some degree, of your own comfort.  They know it, and you know it, but it is always manageable for a short period of time.

Our friend, Bart.

Our house guest, Bart (Bathroom Absolutely Ripped ToBits) has been with us since about March.  When he first arrived, it was awesome.  He kept Katie company when she didn't have a substituting job lined up for the day.  He provided fodder for workplace conversation.  And we have learned a few things from Bart in the last couple of months.  For example, we will probably never buy a house with only one bathroom, but if we do, we know that we can survive a weekend with five adults and only one bathroom.  We have learned how to replace the sub floor, and that a 15 inch pry bar is a fantastic tool when ripping up the underlayment layer of a house's floor. We have learned that the crawl space under the house isn't really that scary.

But it isn't all sugar and spice with Bart around.  He has quite literally bowed under the weight of his own vanity, which requires us to step in, and provide him support.  That is what friends do.  But, it does try one's patience.  After working with him all day today, I feel like a good friend, and I feel like we have made some progress.  But the truth is that Bart is still in pretty rough shape, and it will be a while before he is ready to leave us...

Tom out.

On to the Next

After a two month hiatus, the ninja is back and can proudly proclaim that the ship of me complaining about how school is sucking the life out of me during my good, youthful years has sailed.  In the last week, several milestones have been reached.

Most importantly, the Mazda in which this ninja rides, toppled the 185,000 mile mark with class.  Back seat covered in dog hair, string cheese wrappers and pens jammed into the driver side door pocket, and 3 pennies glued to the bottom of the cup holder with layers of Diet Mountain Dew.

Secondly, I turned 28.  This means two things.  First, my ten year high school reunion is this summer (not going).  And second, it is only a matter of months before I have friends celebrating their 30th birthdays with black Over the Hill balloons and napkins and Miata convertibles.  But ultimately, it means nothing.  I took the day off and we ate plain cheesecake.

The third milestone is that I graduated with my MBA from Boise State University.  In my Resolusmus List, I wanted to get all As this term, and I almost made it.  As of right now, the silly elective course with zero graded assignments, and the "laid-back", cool non-professor has kept me from that dream.  I have an email in to the professor asking for justification and in hopes of a change, but I'm not optimistic.

But, that is not the important thing because I graduated and I really don't care that much.  The important thing is that I'm done!  The first thing I did after obtaining those three special letters after my name was de-lumberjack myself, much to the pleasure of everyone who was tired of wondering if they should give me a chainsaw or a flea collar for a graduation/birthday gift.

  The other question I keep getting is....WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?  Interesting question.



Other than relax and enjoy my evenings and weekends, hang out with Katie and friends that I have all but ignored for the last couple of years, and help Katie maintain the home that I have been living in (such as replacing five sprinkler heads this evening), here are two ideas.

Number One: I will be taking pictures.  Taking pictures of everything with the graduation/birthday present that I bought myself, the Nikon D5000 camera.  I have pretty much already mastered this bad boy, as you can see:

I understand the importance of lighting.

I also know how to capture action clearly.

Honestly, though, it is a fine piece of camera ass that I plan on taxing extensively this summer.  There are plenty of gizmos and whizbangs for me to figure out, so it should keep me busy for a while.

Number Two: I will be writing blogs about things that don't really matter, and using various nerdy tools to help prove my points.  And that will begin with settling the debate of whether the toilet seat shall be left up or down.  To be upfront, I gladly put the toilet seat down, and I have been doing it for so long that I don't think I could go back if I wanted to.  Insert lame, predictable joke about me being well trained here.  I don't remember how it came to be that I put the toilet seat down, and I don't really care.  So, when male friends come to visit our home and leave the toilet seat up, it is as strange to me as it is to Katie.  As we discussed this after our friends left one night, I mockingly mentioned the classic argument that women should put the toilet seat up for men because women want to be treated equally or whatever that stupid ass argument is.  What this boiled down to was me creating a spreadsheet to prove what position, as a matter of efficiency, the toilet seat should be left in after use.

Here is a link to the Google Doc for the fellow nerds that aren't just going to take my word for it.  If the link doesn't work, by all means email me so I can send it along.

It is based on the logic that if the toilet seat needs to be in the down position for the majority of "uses", then it is most efficient to leave it down.  The last line of the spreadsheet shows the percentage of "uses" that require the seat to be down, and if it is above 50%, the seat shall remain down.  I have provided a few screen shots to illustrate some examples.

Standard: 1 male, 1 female...

No matter how many males you add...

The first shows that increasing the number of males and the number of times the males pee decreases the percentage of events that requires the toilet seat to be down.  So, if these variables do increase, so does the validity of the argument for leaving the seat up.

The second shows the example of having one male and one female each providing a #1 and a #2 daily.  The percentage is in favor of always leaving the seat down.

The third shot proves that as males are added to the building, the percentage approaches 50%, but never reaches it.  Therefore, no matter how many males are in the building, the seat should always be down (assuming each male provides a single #1 and a single #2 daily).

There are some things that the model does not consider, such as the fact that males could pee with the seat down, in which case you would need to consider who cleans the bathroom floor.  Another example is that the lid is usually closed as well, so does that defeat the goal of efficiency in that the person still has to lift the lid even when utilizing the seat in the down position?  I don't have all of the answers, man.

Moats.

Australia has it right.  Hawaii has it right.  The 17th green at TPC Sawgrass has it right. Japan has it right.  Granted 75% of the entities mentioned here did nothing to get it right, they are just islands.

But I don't see them as islands.  I see them as plots of land protected by the best defense ever...the moat.

Herstmonceux Castle, Sussex, Rebuilt in 1777

You see that moat? Please explain to me how, in 1441, when this castle was originally built, the Department of Landscaping and Defence (as spelled in Sussex) knew the effectiveness and overall badassness of moats, but we don't use them now.  It is 2010 for some type of allegedly destiny controlling, omnipresent entity's sake, why are we not using moats?  It is a simple defense, here are some key elements:

• some type of large, deep ditch filled with water, preferably SmartWater, because that will create a SmartMoat...I don't think I even need to tell the potential damage a SmartMoat could do.  
• various occupants of the moat include, but are not limited to (Note: all occupants of the moat shall be enhanced by SmartWater when applicable):
• alligators...the traditional choice
• water moccosins
• battleship and patrol boat located at D4-D8 and H10-H11, respectively
• piranhas
• frickin sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads
• dudes with gold chains and AK-47s riding jet skis (imported directly from an episode of A-Team)
• portugese man of wars
• free style rapping clones of michael phelps
• a draw bridge...I realize that Australia does not have a draw bridge.  But, it has kangaroos and dingos and whatnot, so the drawbridge requirement can be waived.

If moats were not the bees knees, why would there be a professional football player named after them?

What people don't realize is that Ryan Moats comes from a long line of Moats.  His ancestors worked primarily in personal security....

Tom out.

Now or later? Vegas is giving good odds on later.

Friday night, 4 hours reading about business ethics.  Saturday, 5 hours writing about the differences in financial statement presentation between IFRS and US GAAP and another 3 hours reading about evaluating a firm's resources and capacities in terms of business strategy.

I describe this process because in the last two days, at least 12 hours has been dedicated to homework, instead of doing something with Katie or watching college hoops, or basically anything that I actually enjoy.  Now, I realize this sounds like a bitch sesh, but that is not my intent.

My intent...is to highlight the struggle between now and later.  Between instant gratification and the chance at prolonged security.  Between living in the moment and letting the moment pass while you study in hopes of much better moments later in life.  Between taking the new washer and dryer set or choosing what is behind door number 3.

My understanding, the common understanding, is that you spend the first 20 something years of your life in school, bettering yourself, preparing yourself for adulthood, because that will help you get a better (higher paying) job.  Right?  And a better job will lead to a better life (more stuff/better stuff) or quality of life. Right?

So, here's my deal...I have clearly decided to "invest in my future" with continued education.  I am betting on the future.  I am giving up the current good for the chance at the future great.  I am a degenerate gambler betting the over on my own happiness.  All of the experts are betting the same line. But its called gambling for a reason.  I could crap out.

As morbid as it sounds, I could die tomorrow.  I've invested all of this time in an education, but a degree is not a fucking forcefield.  Can a degree block cancer or the drunk driver that crosses the double yellow right before the grill of his F-150 eats the front of the Mazda for dinner?

Can the average of one million dollars more I will make over a lifetime because I have a degree buy back the countless hours that Katie sits in the living room by herself watching Frisky Dingo waiting for me to emerge from the computer room claiming victory over the Harley Davidson business case analysis that is due Tuesday?

Can a graduate degree even guarantee that I will have a job that won't make me want to methodically merge my receding hairline with my mahogany desk over and over at a medium pace?


If my commitment did any of these things, I wouldn't doubt it so much, but it doesn't and I do.  But its too late to go back now...graduation is in two and half months, and then this won't matter.


Tomout.


In other news, one the items from my New Year's Resolusmus List has officially been crossed off...

Totes Commercials.

So, I generally despise commercials.  Not only because so many of them are poorly done, but they are advertising something completely horrible, like jewelry on Valentine's Day or income tax relief. 

Sidebar: Let me tell you something.  If you owe the government $30K, you either messed up some type of self employment situation, or you have just ignored your taxes for several years.  Either way, just pay it.  And don't act like you don't benefit from things that those taxes buy.  

Back to commercials that make me happy.  The first one is for Orbit gum. I wish every argument was like this. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nfh92hKLO6c

This one is old as hell.  Think Home Alone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ungfgWA_-8
 
For whatever reason, of all the Sonic commercials, this one by far, BY FAR, is my favorite.  Probably because I love the phrase, "Don't bring that weak INSERT ANY TYPE OF ACTIVITY OR OBJECT HERE action in here!" I'm very mature.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjY9VGEUdGs

Finally, this would not be possible without the coolest lady in Aiken, SC.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjMUfIKktWU

Maybe I will do this again if any company ever makes a good commercial again.

Cheers. Tomout.