I describe this process because in the last two days, at least 12 hours has been dedicated to homework, instead of doing something with Katie or watching college hoops, or basically anything that I actually enjoy. Now, I realize this sounds like a bitch sesh, but that is not my intent.
My intent...is to highlight the struggle between now and later. Between instant gratification and the chance at prolonged security. Between living in the moment and letting the moment pass while you study in hopes of much better moments later in life. Between taking the new washer and dryer set or choosing what is behind door number 3.
My understanding, the common understanding, is that you spend the first 20 something years of your life in school, bettering yourself, preparing yourself for adulthood, because that will help you get a better (higher paying) job. Right? And a better job will lead to a better life (more stuff/better stuff) or quality of life. Right?
So, here's my deal...I have clearly decided to "invest in my future" with continued education. I am betting on the future. I am giving up the current good for the chance at the future great. I am a degenerate gambler betting the over on my own happiness. All of the experts are betting the same line. But its called gambling for a reason. I could crap out.
As morbid as it sounds, I could die tomorrow. I've invested all of this time in an education, but a degree is not a fucking forcefield. Can a degree block cancer or the drunk driver that crosses the double yellow right before the grill of his F-150 eats the front of the Mazda for dinner?
Can the average of one million dollars more I will make over a lifetime because I have a degree buy back the countless hours that Katie sits in the living room by herself watching Frisky Dingo waiting for me to emerge from the computer room claiming victory over the Harley Davidson business case analysis that is due Tuesday?
Can a graduate degree even guarantee that I will have a job that won't make me want to methodically merge my receding hairline with my mahogany desk over and over at a medium pace?
If my commitment did any of these things, I wouldn't doubt it so much, but it doesn't and I do. But its too late to go back now...graduation is in two and half months, and then this won't matter.
Tomout.
In other news, one the items from my New Year's Resolusmus List has officially been crossed off...
Such a gambler you are. You could have avoided all the pitfalls of getting the higher education and gone to work at a factory, that would probably be closed now and you would be collecting unemployment. That my dear Tom would have been a better road to travel, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame that my degrees won't stop me from ending up in that very same unemployment line, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteAnd factory workers are doing the same thing I am, betting that one day, after 40 years or whatever, they can rely on a pension to retire and enjoy their lives now that they are too old to do anything. And many of them crapped out.
I am aving the same thoughts as I continue working on Phd while working. Am I really this dedicated and is this really going to make my life that much better?
ReplyDeleteKyle - It appears that my dad doesn't agree with our line of thought. I feel you, though. Work and school doesn't leave much time for anything else, and sometimes it doesn't feel like its worth it.
ReplyDeleteAs a late 30-something highly over-educated under-acheiver, I'll offer this, perhaps the problem is in viewing education as a means to a goal rather than a goal itself. Whether you make $ or not there is a personal value to
ReplyDeletesimply understanding the world around you. To not being baffled by things that baffle the masses. No, you'll never get the time spent learning back, but at least in my case, I think the time I spent in school made subsequent years more valuable.
Mr. Fisted Cool,
ReplyDeleteThis really is a matter of perspective, and I realize that, but I needed to vent a bit. I'm sure that I will look back, remember the good things, forget the hours spent either in class or doing homework, and be happy I did it.
Cheers.
I too am currently rotting away in grad school (or so it feels like). I have to have confidence in that "future great" because otherwise I would have killed myself many times over at this point. What are you graduating with in 2 months?
ReplyDelete